Out of the Mouthes of Babes

Life is difficult for everyone.....in fact have you ever thought the stranger that brushed up against you in the mall or grocery store could have a worse life than you?

My life before and after my diagnosis has been rittled with guilt. I ask myself, as do my counselors, what do you feel guilty about?

With all certainty, I've always answered "everything." It never crossed my mind that my guilt and anxiety were not normal, I truly do not remember a time I didn't have this ten pound guilt weight resting on top of my chest.

This disease, for me, has increased my guilt because all of a sudden I couldn't do the things I did a week ago. It truly seems that this downhill fall happened in seconds. So the guilt built more than I ever thought possible.

"Now what God? You give me children and then take away my ability to do the things I love to do with them. Why cant my body do what my mind and heart wants to do?"

For as long as I can remember, I was proving myself....proving I could be independent, proving that I could compete in any business platform, and proving that I could work hard enough to buy my dream home. I achieved every goal I set, but still a void. After a while, I realized, I don't even know who I'm proving this too! AAAAHHHAAA Moment

These are the gifts that this disease have given me;

Asking and allowing people to help me....really help me is okay.

Giving myself permission to stop trying to prove something..........EXHALE

And lastly, for the first time in my life I stopped feeling responsible for everyone!

Cut to me and my son:  "Mom, do you know what your problem is?"

"No Alec, what"

You worry too much

"I know, I hate worrying"

"Then stop"

"I wish I could it's not that easy, you don't worry Alec"

"No"

"Really nothing.....how do you do that?"

"I just give it to God and he takes care of it for me""   You need to give it to God Mom, that's faith, right?" "Every night we do prayers I get in be and  I say my own..."Dear God, I give yo all my worries, I know you love me and you take care of everyone.....Amen"

Yes, those ae tears in my eays you see, because faith and a warm heart often comes from the most pure of heart. My son saved my life that day........