I turned forty this year, so I'd say I'm not a spring chicken anymore, but as I've aged I've often wondered why older people you encounter in public are almost always mean, gruff, rude, whatever word you choose?You know the people I'm talking about, not all old people, the ones that are rude to waitresses and have that Scrooge look about them.
Year after year, I find myself understanding that they are who they are because, quite frankly, life kicked them in the balls just one too many times! And they should be............
I've spent most of my life working more than one job, even after I graduated from college, or climbing up the ranks in corporate America. To say I'm a hard worker is an understatement. So, you can imagine how this disease taking away my ability to work is like greaving the death of a person I will never be again.
I'd like to say I'm tougher than most, but most of the time I'm just fakin it! It's more fun giving people the benefit of the doubt than thinking everyone's out to screw you. Or is it??
Going on Short Term disability was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, what am I worth if I'm not bringing home a paycheck???? Never did it enter my mind that the insurance policies I have would consider an mri I had two years before my diagnosis, which was never read by a physician, would cause my MS to be a Pre-Existing Condition!!!
I remember the "Save The World" drive I felt when I graduated from college to save criminals from reoffending, the parents I coached and the students I counseled. I remember the exhiliration I felt when I changed careers and made my first sale. I remember the first Million dollars I made my company in one year, but what I remember the most is the safety I felt knowing I could financially support my family.
Now, a woman in another state somewhere, concludes my MS was pre-existing and that I am not eligible for Long Term Disability. HMMMMMM
I'm not whining about my financial situation, well maybe a little, I know it's hard out there for everyone, but to make six figures one year and then loose my home the next is unacceptable. I'm feel my brow furrow, and a sadness that maybe most people don't deserve the "benefit of the doubt" So no wonder when people say "read the fine print!" What they're really saying is, "there's a loophole in everything! your gonna get screwed!" And no wonder the print is "FINE!"
Ok, so yes I'm gruff, I just got kicked in the balls, again! What's really the zinger is I send UNUM, my provider, all my business.....
Cut to me: Staring at the ceiling, saying aloud, I'm forty and this is my life?
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Stay at home Moms dont do shit.......
The way I see it, there are two types of people in the world....the people who say that, and the people that are insulted by it.
I said it!
As I've said, this disease has opened my eyes in many ways, and being on disability has made me understand something.
I worked because I wanted to, I wanted a career, I wanted to travel and I wanted to be the best! It's what I imagined my life would be, to think any other way was simply imposssible. Why wouldn't I want a career? Now, personally, I believe you are born gay.......I think women are born in the above stated two groups (the sayees or the insultees). One group dreams as a girl to either be wearing a business suit and the other imagines themselves in a ball cap and jeans. That's the simple truth.
So I researched it and there is an actual, Scientific term for it; either procefius nestorus or (pro-nesting) or non- procefius nestorus (anti-nesting). It's in our genes......go figure.
What does this mean? Well, in short, "Stay at Home Moms don't do shit" should not be said, nor should "She's missing the most important time in her kids life", because neither side understands how the other side is wired.
I, thought my career defined me, and spent the last five months mourning the person I was. And I don't care if it's a car or a person, rewiring is a long tough process.
I don't know how I'm going to feel in five minutes or in a day. But today I'm feeling the joy being a precefius nestorus. If it weren't for MS, I would have never understood both sides. That's a good thing!
I had my ahaaa moment and have been tooling around the house doing daily chores (yes, I know there are alot of them) when I realized, "I can feel productive, I can feel peace, I can spend time with my children, I can spend time on myself"
So Venitians can really visit Mars.........who knew?
Cut to me: I'm smiling, because I know that there is a balance, (I stop smiling and frown) Now I have to find it!!!! Shit!
P.S. I made up both those scientifice terms.....
I said it!
As I've said, this disease has opened my eyes in many ways, and being on disability has made me understand something.
I worked because I wanted to, I wanted a career, I wanted to travel and I wanted to be the best! It's what I imagined my life would be, to think any other way was simply imposssible. Why wouldn't I want a career? Now, personally, I believe you are born gay.......I think women are born in the above stated two groups (the sayees or the insultees). One group dreams as a girl to either be wearing a business suit and the other imagines themselves in a ball cap and jeans. That's the simple truth.
So I researched it and there is an actual, Scientific term for it; either procefius nestorus or (pro-nesting) or non- procefius nestorus (anti-nesting). It's in our genes......go figure.
What does this mean? Well, in short, "Stay at Home Moms don't do shit" should not be said, nor should "She's missing the most important time in her kids life", because neither side understands how the other side is wired.
I, thought my career defined me, and spent the last five months mourning the person I was. And I don't care if it's a car or a person, rewiring is a long tough process.
I don't know how I'm going to feel in five minutes or in a day. But today I'm feeling the joy being a precefius nestorus. If it weren't for MS, I would have never understood both sides. That's a good thing!
I had my ahaaa moment and have been tooling around the house doing daily chores (yes, I know there are alot of them) when I realized, "I can feel productive, I can feel peace, I can spend time with my children, I can spend time on myself"
So Venitians can really visit Mars.........who knew?
Cut to me: I'm smiling, because I know that there is a balance, (I stop smiling and frown) Now I have to find it!!!! Shit!
P.S. I made up both those scientifice terms.....
Saturday, March 20, 2010
When I was your age we had books....
As I was packing my office I put away every book neatly in the box, and I realized suddenly that each one has a story. I know, books are all stories, but each on has it's own story of times in my life.
The first book I ever read was Flowers In the Attic when I was 13. It was a story of three children locked in the attice of their Grandmother's mansion by their Mother. I cant believe that was almost thirty years ago.
As each book left the shelf, I cherished and felt every emotion I was feeling in thtat particular time in my life. By their mere existance they actually tell my story. I remembered where I was when I read Clan of the Cave Bear. I remember crying on a flight home from Detroit while reading the Frank Sinatra story written by his daughter. Even the stewardess asked if I was ok I was crying so hard, and I still wonder why that particular book hit me so hard. I was in a hotel in Florida when I was touched so deeply by The Lovely Bones, it so beautifully described Heaven that I was sure I could see what my heaven would look like.
When I reached for 90 Minutes In Heaven it took me right back to the hospital where I watched one of my truest friends pass away from lung cancer. I felt the pain all over again, remembering that I had just been with him swinging on a hammock three days prior.
As the fatigue starts to take over, as it always does, I put the last book I read in that giant box of stories, My First Year with MS.
Im still going to be an avid reader, I got that from my Mother, and now I'm going to recognize in every book, there's a story.
Cut to Me: I've collected books all my life, only buying hardbacks, hoping to fill a library. And then I realized, are books going away too? Will there be a time very soon that curling up with a good book is a thing of the past? I don't want to read a book on a computer.......I want to feel the weight of it in my lap, I want to pick something wierd as my book mark, but most of all, I want to feel my hand turn each page in anticipation of what the next page will hold.
The first book I ever read was Flowers In the Attic when I was 13. It was a story of three children locked in the attice of their Grandmother's mansion by their Mother. I cant believe that was almost thirty years ago.
As each book left the shelf, I cherished and felt every emotion I was feeling in thtat particular time in my life. By their mere existance they actually tell my story. I remembered where I was when I read Clan of the Cave Bear. I remember crying on a flight home from Detroit while reading the Frank Sinatra story written by his daughter. Even the stewardess asked if I was ok I was crying so hard, and I still wonder why that particular book hit me so hard. I was in a hotel in Florida when I was touched so deeply by The Lovely Bones, it so beautifully described Heaven that I was sure I could see what my heaven would look like.
When I reached for 90 Minutes In Heaven it took me right back to the hospital where I watched one of my truest friends pass away from lung cancer. I felt the pain all over again, remembering that I had just been with him swinging on a hammock three days prior.
As the fatigue starts to take over, as it always does, I put the last book I read in that giant box of stories, My First Year with MS.
Im still going to be an avid reader, I got that from my Mother, and now I'm going to recognize in every book, there's a story.
Cut to Me: I've collected books all my life, only buying hardbacks, hoping to fill a library. And then I realized, are books going away too? Will there be a time very soon that curling up with a good book is a thing of the past? I don't want to read a book on a computer.......I want to feel the weight of it in my lap, I want to pick something wierd as my book mark, but most of all, I want to feel my hand turn each page in anticipation of what the next page will hold.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Holy Shit.....I JUST HAD MY AHHHHHAAAA MOMENT !
Or at least I think its my ahaaa moment. When Oprah says it, I believe!!!!!!
I think it's that moment, when things just couldn't get worse, that you find, hidden under the couch coushins your strength. I almost wanted to say...."Well there you are strength, where you been hidin little buddy?" And then you walk to some desk or drawyer and you write down goals for tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. A checklist of sorts, that only minutes before had been too overwhelming to bear.
And little by little, day by day, your checklist gets smaller, but your strengths get bigger. A sense of empowerment washes over you, and you realize.......I'm not sittin on the bench.....I want in the game. The storm turns into rain, the rain turns into sprinkles, and the mist turns....... "Got it, a little too mushy, I think so too."
So if this is what you mean Oprah, when you have your Ahhhhaaaaa moment. I had mine!!!!!
Cut to me: Smiling about my future, planning weeks and moths ahead......"And did I tell you I remembered my best friends Birthday today for the first time in my life, we've been friends almost thirty years... (laughing now) cause it's the only thing in my Blackberry!"
I think it's that moment, when things just couldn't get worse, that you find, hidden under the couch coushins your strength. I almost wanted to say...."Well there you are strength, where you been hidin little buddy?" And then you walk to some desk or drawyer and you write down goals for tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. A checklist of sorts, that only minutes before had been too overwhelming to bear.
And little by little, day by day, your checklist gets smaller, but your strengths get bigger. A sense of empowerment washes over you, and you realize.......I'm not sittin on the bench.....I want in the game. The storm turns into rain, the rain turns into sprinkles, and the mist turns....... "Got it, a little too mushy, I think so too."
So if this is what you mean Oprah, when you have your Ahhhhaaaaa moment. I had mine!!!!!
Cut to me: Smiling about my future, planning weeks and moths ahead......"And did I tell you I remembered my best friends Birthday today for the first time in my life, we've been friends almost thirty years... (laughing now) cause it's the only thing in my Blackberry!"
Out of the Mouthes of Babes
Life is difficult for everyone.....in fact have you ever thought the stranger that brushed up against you in the mall or grocery store could have a worse life than you?
My life before and after my diagnosis has been rittled with guilt. I ask myself, as do my counselors, what do you feel guilty about?
With all certainty, I've always answered "everything." It never crossed my mind that my guilt and anxiety were not normal, I truly do not remember a time I didn't have this ten pound guilt weight resting on top of my chest.
This disease, for me, has increased my guilt because all of a sudden I couldn't do the things I did a week ago. It truly seems that this downhill fall happened in seconds. So the guilt built more than I ever thought possible.
"Now what God? You give me children and then take away my ability to do the things I love to do with them. Why cant my body do what my mind and heart wants to do?"
For as long as I can remember, I was proving myself....proving I could be independent, proving that I could compete in any business platform, and proving that I could work hard enough to buy my dream home. I achieved every goal I set, but still a void. After a while, I realized, I don't even know who I'm proving this too! AAAAHHHAAA Moment
These are the gifts that this disease have given me;
Asking and allowing people to help me....really help me is okay.
Giving myself permission to stop trying to prove something..........EXHALE
And lastly, for the first time in my life I stopped feeling responsible for everyone!
Cut to me and my son: "Mom, do you know what your problem is?"
"No Alec, what"
You worry too much
"I know, I hate worrying"
"Then stop"
"I wish I could it's not that easy, you don't worry Alec"
"No"
"Really nothing.....how do you do that?"
"I just give it to God and he takes care of it for me"" You need to give it to God Mom, that's faith, right?" "Every night we do prayers I get in be and I say my own..."Dear God, I give yo all my worries, I know you love me and you take care of everyone.....Amen"
Yes, those ae tears in my eays you see, because faith and a warm heart often comes from the most pure of heart. My son saved my life that day........
My life before and after my diagnosis has been rittled with guilt. I ask myself, as do my counselors, what do you feel guilty about?
With all certainty, I've always answered "everything." It never crossed my mind that my guilt and anxiety were not normal, I truly do not remember a time I didn't have this ten pound guilt weight resting on top of my chest.
This disease, for me, has increased my guilt because all of a sudden I couldn't do the things I did a week ago. It truly seems that this downhill fall happened in seconds. So the guilt built more than I ever thought possible.
"Now what God? You give me children and then take away my ability to do the things I love to do with them. Why cant my body do what my mind and heart wants to do?"
For as long as I can remember, I was proving myself....proving I could be independent, proving that I could compete in any business platform, and proving that I could work hard enough to buy my dream home. I achieved every goal I set, but still a void. After a while, I realized, I don't even know who I'm proving this too! AAAAHHHAAA Moment
These are the gifts that this disease have given me;
Asking and allowing people to help me....really help me is okay.
Giving myself permission to stop trying to prove something..........EXHALE
And lastly, for the first time in my life I stopped feeling responsible for everyone!
Cut to me and my son: "Mom, do you know what your problem is?"
"No Alec, what"
You worry too much
"I know, I hate worrying"
"Then stop"
"I wish I could it's not that easy, you don't worry Alec"
"No"
"Really nothing.....how do you do that?"
"I just give it to God and he takes care of it for me"" You need to give it to God Mom, that's faith, right?" "Every night we do prayers I get in be and I say my own..."Dear God, I give yo all my worries, I know you love me and you take care of everyone.....Amen"
Yes, those ae tears in my eays you see, because faith and a warm heart often comes from the most pure of heart. My son saved my life that day........
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
"Oh My God Becky Look At Her Butt"
Here's a little jingle I just wrote, hope you all love it as much as I do....
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so flat. *scoff* She looks like,
one of those white guys' girlfriends.
But, you know, who understands those white guys? *scoff
I mean, her butt, is just so flat.
I can't believe it's just so paper flat, it's like,
not there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... white!
[Jamie Mix-a-Lot]
I like Flat butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a flat thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your specs
'Cause you notice that butt was just like a deck
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so .....horny?????
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Prius?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sticklike and scrawny
Got it goin' like a sheet of Brawny
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' big butts are the thing
Take the average white man and ask him that
She gotta have as ass like a mat
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that weakly butt!
Baby aint got back!
Now I'm not one to brag, but I've spend my entire life using my "assets"! I mean if you got it, flaunt it.....right? I'm not ashamed to say that I often wear very high heels to show off my calves. They are absolutely stunning and men have often made flattering comments that make me blush. Ok I'm braggin a bit, but how could I not have a big ego when I get comments like
"You have two strings hanging from your shorts, I've got scissors"
Even as a young girl, my legs were noticed..... I was the only one on the team that got a nickname......and I still love to be called "chicken legs" to this day!
Modesty is not one of my best traits, so Yeah, I got a flat ass without even having to work at it. Don't be a hater, some are just more blessed than others.
Ohhhhhhhh the balance of life..... we get one gift and sacrifice another......so if it makes any of you feel better, I'm not perfect. Really, I have one really bad body issue, and sometimes I wonder if it's only me on this earth that suffers with this ailment!
Cut To Me: Ok, lean in, I'm looking both ways out of concern that someone may overhear...This is just between you and me, and this secret must go to your grave. (I'm making you quietly promise and whisper while doing a pinky swear)
Ok, ready??????? My boobs are real........UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so flat. *scoff* She looks like,
one of those white guys' girlfriends.
But, you know, who understands those white guys? *scoff
I mean, her butt, is just so flat.
I can't believe it's just so paper flat, it's like,
not there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... white!
[Jamie Mix-a-Lot]
I like Flat butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a flat thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your specs
'Cause you notice that butt was just like a deck
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so .....horny?????
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Prius?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sticklike and scrawny
Got it goin' like a sheet of Brawny
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' big butts are the thing
Take the average white man and ask him that
She gotta have as ass like a mat
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that weakly butt!
Baby aint got back!
Now I'm not one to brag, but I've spend my entire life using my "assets"! I mean if you got it, flaunt it.....right? I'm not ashamed to say that I often wear very high heels to show off my calves. They are absolutely stunning and men have often made flattering comments that make me blush. Ok I'm braggin a bit, but how could I not have a big ego when I get comments like
"You have two strings hanging from your shorts, I've got scissors"
Even as a young girl, my legs were noticed..... I was the only one on the team that got a nickname......and I still love to be called "chicken legs" to this day!
Modesty is not one of my best traits, so Yeah, I got a flat ass without even having to work at it. Don't be a hater, some are just more blessed than others.
Ohhhhhhhh the balance of life..... we get one gift and sacrifice another......so if it makes any of you feel better, I'm not perfect. Really, I have one really bad body issue, and sometimes I wonder if it's only me on this earth that suffers with this ailment!
Cut To Me: Ok, lean in, I'm looking both ways out of concern that someone may overhear...This is just between you and me, and this secret must go to your grave. (I'm making you quietly promise and whisper while doing a pinky swear)
Ok, ready??????? My boobs are real........UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
If you run with the dogs your gonna get fleas....
We all have struggles in our lives, and there are so many things we encounter that can make us stop believing in the good in people......
After surviving cancer thee times, and now MS, I made a pact with myself. I promised I would never stop believing that there is good in anyone and my divine goal in life was to never loose that belief. I always wondered why I made myself so vulnerable to people, and was always so disappointed when those that I believed in, would, almost always, not be what they presented themselves to be.
At forty years old, you would think that life's lessons would harden me....would make me more suspicious...would make me stop believing that there is good....in everyone.
But, as painful as it may be, I continue to believe. It is that belief that some see as weakness, and many times I've been told to stop being so naive. I will admit, those suggestions have almost always turned out to be true, but still, I choose to ignore those warnings.
Here's what I believe....If I can't know in my heart that people are innately good, then I am destined to live my life wondering if every person I come across has an underlying motive.
That is not a world I want to live in! I want to belive in the fairytale, I want to meet people and give them the benefit of the doubt, but most importantly, I want to spend the rest of my days knowing that there is good in the world and that God has given us a choice to be good or bad.
So I get hurt, I get disappointed, I get let down......and I could easily become that untrusting, negative person that the world can create in all of us. But I choose not to! I choose, even at my own sacrifice, to live in the positive.
When it comes down to it, what else do we really have? I don't want to live in a world distrusting everyone I meet. I don't want to live in a world where those who choose to be unethical or dishonest can control my view of the world.
So, do I have a thousand reasons to be a bitter negative person? Absolutely! But the big secret is....I have a choice, and I choose life, happiness, honesty, love, spirituality, and the simple idea that people are good. And when I get hurt, I will not apologize for being nieve, I will feel the hurt and I will move on. I will never give up on looking at life with a glass half full, and if you happen to cross paths with me.....I will believe you are a good person, because in the end, all we really have is our word.
So life happens, we all get hurt, the easy way is to bitterness.....the hard way is to stay positive and believe that you get out of life what you give.
Cut to me: I'm smiling, and remembering all those rare people that touched me, that motivated me, and most of all reminded me.....never give up, there's good in everyone.
After surviving cancer thee times, and now MS, I made a pact with myself. I promised I would never stop believing that there is good in anyone and my divine goal in life was to never loose that belief. I always wondered why I made myself so vulnerable to people, and was always so disappointed when those that I believed in, would, almost always, not be what they presented themselves to be.
At forty years old, you would think that life's lessons would harden me....would make me more suspicious...would make me stop believing that there is good....in everyone.
But, as painful as it may be, I continue to believe. It is that belief that some see as weakness, and many times I've been told to stop being so naive. I will admit, those suggestions have almost always turned out to be true, but still, I choose to ignore those warnings.
Here's what I believe....If I can't know in my heart that people are innately good, then I am destined to live my life wondering if every person I come across has an underlying motive.
That is not a world I want to live in! I want to belive in the fairytale, I want to meet people and give them the benefit of the doubt, but most importantly, I want to spend the rest of my days knowing that there is good in the world and that God has given us a choice to be good or bad.
So I get hurt, I get disappointed, I get let down......and I could easily become that untrusting, negative person that the world can create in all of us. But I choose not to! I choose, even at my own sacrifice, to live in the positive.
When it comes down to it, what else do we really have? I don't want to live in a world distrusting everyone I meet. I don't want to live in a world where those who choose to be unethical or dishonest can control my view of the world.
So, do I have a thousand reasons to be a bitter negative person? Absolutely! But the big secret is....I have a choice, and I choose life, happiness, honesty, love, spirituality, and the simple idea that people are good. And when I get hurt, I will not apologize for being nieve, I will feel the hurt and I will move on. I will never give up on looking at life with a glass half full, and if you happen to cross paths with me.....I will believe you are a good person, because in the end, all we really have is our word.
So life happens, we all get hurt, the easy way is to bitterness.....the hard way is to stay positive and believe that you get out of life what you give.
Cut to me: I'm smiling, and remembering all those rare people that touched me, that motivated me, and most of all reminded me.....never give up, there's good in everyone.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sleep deceleration syndrome.....
I had the weirdest dream last night......how many times have we all said that before? I've always wondered if people dream like me. My dreams are like movies, a beginning, a middle and even an end. Each and every detail is clear and concise, and I sometimes really hate when they're over. Now don't get me wrong, many times I want my ticket money back......kind of my very own "Glitter".
I once had a dream that I was on the top floor of a hospital with my children and the city was flooding. As the water reached the top floor, the doctor gave us all needles to put our children to "sleep", so they would not suffer. In my dream, I can remember as clear as day, looking at the syringes and then looking around the room at all the people (each with their own face and their own children), and desperately hoping one of them would give me the answer. All the while, the water is raising and so is the terror in the room and in my children's eyes. Suddenly, a peace comes over me, and I know that letting my children "sleep" was the right thing to do.
As the water reaches my shoulders, I gently watch as my boys fall asleep. The water is face level and I close my eyes waiting for the inevitable. Then, just like that, the water begins to recede...... Obviously, this was one of my "scary movie nightmares".
I have what I call "moments of light movies" and it's these movies that remind me of my inner strength. I have been nominated for a nobel peace prize for my "Pay it Forward" program I started online, I have turned Brad Pitt away, convincing him to go back to Angelina, and I've even given birth.
Each and every dream is so full of details, colors, and emotions.....does everyone dream as I do? Winning that Oscar was the time of my life......I don't think I'd wear that same dress again though. The tabloids had a field day with me, and I made the worst dressed list!!!!! I really think making that list was a little harsh when Madonna wore that red and white striped getup with the purple velevet hat!
I've never fallen in a dream and actually hit the ground, we all know what happens if you actually hit the ground...... you die. So does that mean when we hear about all those people who pass, quietly in their sleep.....really hit the ground! That would mean that thousands of people die each year from refusing to wake up when they're falling. I did some research and found that this is an actual occurance that is scientifically termed Sleep Deceleration Syndrome, or SDS. Who knew????
Thank goodness I've avoided the SDS diagnosis, with SDS running around killing people in their sleep, this measly little MS diagnosis aint "nuthin but a thang". (Thats jive for no big deal)
I look forward to my nightly movie, and there are many times I want to fall right back to sleep to finish the movie I was playing in my dreams. Who wouldn't want to know how my date night with Jeremy Pivens ends?
I have learned to embrace these movies, knowing that there are little answers buried in them, and I know that these dreams enable me to put my true thoughts of fear, happiness, and confusion into a story that I can understand and enjoy. They are a gift I give myself to let go of old emotional injuries, and to welcome with open arms, my feelings of strength, courage and empowerment.
P.S. I made up SDS
Cut to me: What happened to Jack Handey from SNL? I think comedy that is so stupid and so out of this world wierd is what more people need in this world! In fact, I want to say whatever I want, whenever I want, to whomever I want, and Mr. Handey is my hero! OOOOHHHH, now I'm gettin fired up....... Wanna know something else???? I laugh everytime I see someone fall down! Even if theyre hurt, I still laugh!!!!! Guess what else? When I see a child in a grocery store and their parent isn't looking, I give them a realllllll mean look to intentionally scare them!!! TAKE THAT!!!
I also say "what" to people, even though I clearly heard what they said. I will sometimes make people repeat themselves two or three times, ALL THE WHILE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY INTERNALLY!
When I'm out and about with friends, and we meet a stranger, I instantly introduce myself as Sandy Bishop and give my unkowing friends the name of my choice. I once told someone that me and my friend were on the University of Texas female hockey team! Of course, I was always the star goalie.
When in a hotel, try walking with your friends down the hall towards the elevator, and start running and knocking on every door on the way. Now thats one of my favorite! No matter who it its, they start running too! Nobody wants to be left holding the bag, so they run! Oh God, that's a good one.....
So in my quest for more humor in the world, here are a few things that make me laugh.............do they make you laugh?
Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing
each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
Jack Handey
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I
bet that's what *really* throws you into a panic.
Jack Handey
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd
just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking
about doing that anyway.
Jack Handey
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police.
But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who
this person was, and why he
had deer horns.
Jack Handey
I once had a dream that I was on the top floor of a hospital with my children and the city was flooding. As the water reached the top floor, the doctor gave us all needles to put our children to "sleep", so they would not suffer. In my dream, I can remember as clear as day, looking at the syringes and then looking around the room at all the people (each with their own face and their own children), and desperately hoping one of them would give me the answer. All the while, the water is raising and so is the terror in the room and in my children's eyes. Suddenly, a peace comes over me, and I know that letting my children "sleep" was the right thing to do.
As the water reaches my shoulders, I gently watch as my boys fall asleep. The water is face level and I close my eyes waiting for the inevitable. Then, just like that, the water begins to recede...... Obviously, this was one of my "scary movie nightmares".
I have what I call "moments of light movies" and it's these movies that remind me of my inner strength. I have been nominated for a nobel peace prize for my "Pay it Forward" program I started online, I have turned Brad Pitt away, convincing him to go back to Angelina, and I've even given birth.
Each and every dream is so full of details, colors, and emotions.....does everyone dream as I do? Winning that Oscar was the time of my life......I don't think I'd wear that same dress again though. The tabloids had a field day with me, and I made the worst dressed list!!!!! I really think making that list was a little harsh when Madonna wore that red and white striped getup with the purple velevet hat!
I've never fallen in a dream and actually hit the ground, we all know what happens if you actually hit the ground...... you die. So does that mean when we hear about all those people who pass, quietly in their sleep.....really hit the ground! That would mean that thousands of people die each year from refusing to wake up when they're falling. I did some research and found that this is an actual occurance that is scientifically termed Sleep Deceleration Syndrome, or SDS. Who knew????
Thank goodness I've avoided the SDS diagnosis, with SDS running around killing people in their sleep, this measly little MS diagnosis aint "nuthin but a thang". (Thats jive for no big deal)
I look forward to my nightly movie, and there are many times I want to fall right back to sleep to finish the movie I was playing in my dreams. Who wouldn't want to know how my date night with Jeremy Pivens ends?
I have learned to embrace these movies, knowing that there are little answers buried in them, and I know that these dreams enable me to put my true thoughts of fear, happiness, and confusion into a story that I can understand and enjoy. They are a gift I give myself to let go of old emotional injuries, and to welcome with open arms, my feelings of strength, courage and empowerment.
P.S. I made up SDS
Cut to me: What happened to Jack Handey from SNL? I think comedy that is so stupid and so out of this world wierd is what more people need in this world! In fact, I want to say whatever I want, whenever I want, to whomever I want, and Mr. Handey is my hero! OOOOHHHH, now I'm gettin fired up....... Wanna know something else???? I laugh everytime I see someone fall down! Even if theyre hurt, I still laugh!!!!! Guess what else? When I see a child in a grocery store and their parent isn't looking, I give them a realllllll mean look to intentionally scare them!!! TAKE THAT!!!
I also say "what" to people, even though I clearly heard what they said. I will sometimes make people repeat themselves two or three times, ALL THE WHILE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY INTERNALLY!
When I'm out and about with friends, and we meet a stranger, I instantly introduce myself as Sandy Bishop and give my unkowing friends the name of my choice. I once told someone that me and my friend were on the University of Texas female hockey team! Of course, I was always the star goalie.
When in a hotel, try walking with your friends down the hall towards the elevator, and start running and knocking on every door on the way. Now thats one of my favorite! No matter who it its, they start running too! Nobody wants to be left holding the bag, so they run! Oh God, that's a good one.....
So in my quest for more humor in the world, here are a few things that make me laugh.............do they make you laugh?
Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing
each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
Jack Handey
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I
bet that's what *really* throws you into a panic.
Jack Handey
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd
just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking
about doing that anyway.
Jack Handey
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police.
But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who
this person was, and why he
had deer horns.
Jack Handey
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