What if I don't want anymore fucking character???

Do we get a choice to say enough with the Life's lessons? Who gave Life the right to build character when the buildee doesn't want it? What if the buildee is tired and wants to sleep in, but Life is right outside our window at the crack of dawn with hammering, sawing and all kinds of loud noises Life uses when constructing our character? What if I'm sick of looking outside and seeing Life's butt crack while it bends over to grab something, pull your fucking pants up Life!

And what are us women to think when, everytime you pass Life's constructon site, we get jeers, vulgar whistles and barks come flying at us......Like we really care if Life thinks were hot!! Not to mention, who wants a looser construction worker looking at our asses..........even if it is Life.......we don't care! And we are most certainly not flattered! So listen here Life, put down the hammer and nails and leave my character alone!

I sometimes envision Life as the doctor who doesn't have a lick of bedside manner and passes out bad news like candy. I see Life walk in with it's stethoscope around it's neck, oooozing arrogance and no concern for how the news will effect us! Are we supposed to thank Life when it says "Don't worry, I'm building your character?" I think NOT!

So here's to you Life, "keep your fucking hands off my character, I have more than I know what to do with! Jeez, don't you know when your not invited to the party?

Dont get me wrong, my faith tells me that all things happen for a reason, and God has a master plan for everything, but putting a face on Life, sure makes it fun when I throw darts at it! Slamming the steel dart straight in the eye of Life gives me some kind of satisfaction.

Today is an angry day, (I know, I know) it's part of the grief process, and so allow myself to feel everything. I think it's very important to correctly define what it is we are really feeling, anger is simply the top of the iceberg. What lies below the water level , you know that part that is ten times bigger and cant be seen with the naked eye (The Titanic was no match for what was hidden under anger) lies all the feelings that anger hides from us. It is imperative to our healing to identify what each feeling really is; fear, jealousy, indignation, disappointment, and emotional hurt to name a few. Being angry is easy, being determined to face the true feeling causing the anger........now that's what heroes are made of!

I start back on my infusions tomorrow, and because Life decided to start building my character over the last few days, my stuttering has returned, my left side is quickly becoming numb, and the fatigue has kept me in bed. If stress is one of the biggest cause of relapse, then how do we negotiate with Life to keep us calm and peaceful? Because just between you and me, Life can be a real Mother Fucker!

Cut to me: Apelike furrow on my brow....posture as straight as a board....and one hand up, with that cute middle finger perfectly pointing to the ceiling.

I say out loud, adding a brooklyn accent (because cursing with a Brooklyn accent always seems to carry more meaning) "up ur's Life and your early morning hammering!"

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'

We all say really stupid things, and although I'm infamous, I don't think it will be a HUGE scandal if I say I laugh every time I hear someone say "Special Olympics." I don't know why, but it's freggin hysterical that they call it "Special." Now we want high up politicians to be fired for saying retard......"he should resign", come on really?

He's a few comments I found that have absolutely no politically incorrect words.....yet no firestorm.....now I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but these tools are holding high positions in government, and personally, these should be of more concern than "Special, or retarded"; take a look....

"A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is proven." - Canadian Prime Minister

"I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it's so petty." - Imelda Marcos, former First Lady and a political figure in the Philippines.

"The internet is a great way to get on the net." - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." - Bill Clinton, 42nd President of the United States

"I do not like this word ‘bomb.’ It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding." - Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

And my all time favorite comes from a lady that has such poise, such modesty, such a deep inner soul, and most of all a great concern for the suffering of others;

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey

So if someone like Mariah Carey can make a slip up, cant we just give the rest of the pack a break? Every since this MS has taken my words, I've had a few slips myself.....

Cut To Me: standing in front of eight doctors, presenting a fabulous presentation, encouraging them to become a client......"Thanks to all of you for your time today, I am aware your time is very vaginal" I meant valuable, but my mouth had other ides.

Not to mention the time I was into my son's basketball game, screaming like every other psycho parent in the stands, rooting for his team which happens to be blue......The clock is counting down with only seconds to go and the ball is knocked out of bounds..........In my loudest Fran Dresher voice I scream "Blue Balls Blue Balls!" The entire gym gets quiet and parents are staring at me when I realize I'm the only one standing up, and I meant to say "Blue's Ball!"

So I laugh when someone says Special Olympics.......... sue me!

WHERE'S MY FREGGIN AFRO????

Now I know I'm not the only one that got mezmerized by Bobb Ross the white guy with the afro:"

And that makes it look like birch trees, isn’t that sneaky? Heh. Ha. It’s gorgeous. "

or

"We want happy paintings. Happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news. "

He made it look soooooo easy, so in accepting my MS and how quickly stress can throw me into a tailspin, I thought, "Hey, he looks really peaceful......that's what I need to do.....OIL PAINT!!!!" So I made my daily outing to Hobby Lobby and collected everything I needed to find another fabulous character trait I simply have not tapped into.

One hundred dollars later and hours of trying to get the look I wanted, I say "Fuck You Bobb Ross", oil paints are for white nerds with afros!!!!

My violent outburst made me realized that oil painting, for me anyway, was full of anger and frustration!!!!!!!!!.................. But most importantly, I was far from freggin peaceful! But, not to be outdone by a bunch of little tubes and brushes, I marched right down to Hobby Lobby, and quietly spend over one hundred dollars on acrylic paints!

So now I'm working with a material that is not smarter that me ....like those snobby fukin oils....and I saved money....SO THERE!!.

Anyway, two weeks, five trips to the Lobby later, and I've almost finished my first painting (I don't think I should have to pay for the first five canvases I trashed, it was the oils who decided to be divas and not work with me).

So I'm finally feeling Bob Rossish and I gotta tell you, it feels good to use my creative side again. And quite honestly if I keep up with the fuck ups, I will be forced to get out of this house......if only to return to Hobby Lobby!

Cut to me; finger on chin looking up as if in wonderment... "If it takes a big man to cry, does that mean it takes and even bigger man to publicly laugh at the crying man?""
Jack Handy - SNL"

Is Timing an argument with your kid......

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Hows that Hopey Changy thing working out for ya?

Sarah Palin.....personally I like Tina Fey much better. The sun is out today and I'm in bed, I spent the weekend at a wrestling tournament (regionals for Alec), where he kicked butt and won first place. Then I went straight to Jay's basketball game, it amazes me that he has grown into a guy! He oooooozes cooolness like his mother. Then I saw my lifelong best friend and her beautiful girls after their cheerleading competition. Great day, I dont even care I've been in bed since! So THERE!
You know when your parents said "I hope you have ten kids just like you!!", well, I got two boys full of spit and vinegar, and Robin got two girly girls full of drama and Beauty.

Just remember all you parents out there, that even though we know they will go through many breakups and friend losses in their lives, to them (as it was with us, we just don't remember because soooooooooo much shit happens) it's the end of the world! So please don't minimize.

Cut to me.........Does turning forty mean were really forty? And does it mean we will finally be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people? God I hope so