When they say "God only gives us what we can handle" I am certain that God has overestimated what I can "handle."
In forty years I've never felt hopeless, weak, or unsure the sun will come up tomorrow. In one year these feelings are more common than not.
As I was speaking with my Neurologist about my state of desperation, he actually let me know that one of my new lesions could have possibly permenantly affected my coping skills.......
How in the world can I be a strong, happy and independent woman, and in the blink of an eye I'm here.
Cut to me: On my knees.......saying out loud........UNCLE already! Really, UNCLE
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
What does Taking the High Road Really Mean????
As I've aged, hopefully gracefully, I've promised myself, and my higher power, that the second half of my life would be spent "taking the high road!"
Through a chronic illness, and a "not so nice" divorce, I've maintained my approach that if I can just stay on the right side of the conflict, then I would come out of all of this, clean and proud....
So I ask myself, " does taking the high road mean not defending myself?" Through months of mudslinging, and weeks of hearing my life dragged through the mud, I can't lie, it was difficult to bite my lip.....But bite my lip I did.
It wasn't until my children began to speak of things they were told, many that were true, and many that were not that I had to remind myself, over and over, these things are not for the ears of young children.But with that I also asked myself........Do I defend myself? Do I wait and pray that someday, my refusal to play this game, will be seen later by my boys as "my mom never told us bad things", so she must be nicer, better, or...........exactly what we were being told.
All the books say, never speak ill of your co-parent, for it will come back to haunt you....does that mean never paint the true picture?
I have alot to say! I have alot to disprove! But most of all, I know the truth. And my half of the truth is not pretty, or perfect.....and seeing my faults used as weapons is most definantly what divorce is about.
But my choice to take the high road.....I fear it may have done more damage than speaking the truth.
Do I pay for my sins, and keep the sins of others a secret? What a connundrum? I want to scream to the world, I made mistakes, but what if the world knew what I knew?
Taking the high road, quite frankly, has not proven to be the best choice, but what are my options? Destroy the vision my children have of their father?
I cannot do that....... but I have to say, the suffering is difficult! The desire to paint the real picture is strong and whispers in my ear regularly!
Cut to me: It's true....having children and protecting them from the stupid mistakes that adults make is the right thing to do! I pray that biting my tongue doesn't bite me in the ass later!
Through a chronic illness, and a "not so nice" divorce, I've maintained my approach that if I can just stay on the right side of the conflict, then I would come out of all of this, clean and proud....
So I ask myself, " does taking the high road mean not defending myself?" Through months of mudslinging, and weeks of hearing my life dragged through the mud, I can't lie, it was difficult to bite my lip.....But bite my lip I did.
It wasn't until my children began to speak of things they were told, many that were true, and many that were not that I had to remind myself, over and over, these things are not for the ears of young children.But with that I also asked myself........Do I defend myself? Do I wait and pray that someday, my refusal to play this game, will be seen later by my boys as "my mom never told us bad things", so she must be nicer, better, or...........exactly what we were being told.
All the books say, never speak ill of your co-parent, for it will come back to haunt you....does that mean never paint the true picture?
I have alot to say! I have alot to disprove! But most of all, I know the truth. And my half of the truth is not pretty, or perfect.....and seeing my faults used as weapons is most definantly what divorce is about.
But my choice to take the high road.....I fear it may have done more damage than speaking the truth.
Do I pay for my sins, and keep the sins of others a secret? What a connundrum? I want to scream to the world, I made mistakes, but what if the world knew what I knew?
Taking the high road, quite frankly, has not proven to be the best choice, but what are my options? Destroy the vision my children have of their father?
I cannot do that....... but I have to say, the suffering is difficult! The desire to paint the real picture is strong and whispers in my ear regularly!
Cut to me: It's true....having children and protecting them from the stupid mistakes that adults make is the right thing to do! I pray that biting my tongue doesn't bite me in the ass later!
Friday, July 2, 2010
I'm Jamie Winborn-Svoboda and here's my issue........
You don't know what to expect when you get diagnosed with any disease, but sometimes, even the most shocking things can take you aback.........
Is it wierd that the father of your children is requesting that my estate be financially responsible for my children upon my death?
Now I may be sick, but I most definantly am not on the fast track to the dirt bed!
Not wanting to pay for child support is one thing, but trying to gain financially on the death of the mother of your kiddos.......when that Mother is not critical..........that's something Gary Coleman's ex would do.
Cut to Me: Dear me; marrying someone to have a family is never a good idea. Let's try to be a little more choosy next time. Top three musts; a job, a life goal, mustn't live with parent's....that's a good place to start.
Is it wierd that the father of your children is requesting that my estate be financially responsible for my children upon my death?
Now I may be sick, but I most definantly am not on the fast track to the dirt bed!
Not wanting to pay for child support is one thing, but trying to gain financially on the death of the mother of your kiddos.......when that Mother is not critical..........that's something Gary Coleman's ex would do.
Cut to Me: Dear me; marrying someone to have a family is never a good idea. Let's try to be a little more choosy next time. Top three musts; a job, a life goal, mustn't live with parent's....that's a good place to start.
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